National Diabetes Month

November is National Diabetes Month. Many D-Mom's who have blogs have been posting daily about this subject. Giving facts, tips and basically trying to make people more aware of what it's like to be the parent of a diabetic child. On FaceBook one of the sites is doing a daily picture thing where each day has a subject that you post a picture about.

Me? I decided to stay low-key and just read what everyone else has to say. Unless you're a D-Mom, I don't think it's possible to make people aware of what it's really like. I try not to make a big deal about it, even though it is a HUGE deal. It's our life and we make the most of it.

But I couldn't help thinking this morning that although my daughter is the one with diabetes, I am the one who keeps her alive. That's got to be the biggest responsibility a person could have. If I think about it too much I get overwhelmed with emotion.

Last night we had one of our bad nights. Thankfully we don't have them that often. But when they happen it really sucks.

It was site change night. I have to change the site for her pump every 3 days. Recently I talked her into doing the sites in her leg instead of her bottom. The first one was a HUGE success. No tears, she barely felt it. I was so excited. Next one hurt a little bit. Last night caused screams and a lot of crying.

This was the first site change in the leg

I cannot even discribe what it's like to hurt your own child. I normally try to hold it together, but last night I found myself holding her tight and crying along with her. At bed time I crawled into bed with her and told her how strong she is and how proud of her I am. I didn't want to let her go. I eventually went to my own bed and cried some more. I just couldn't stop. I wish so much that there was a cure for this disease or at least a treatment that doesn't involve needles and hurting my child.

I am her rock. She will let others do the site changes, but prefers me. So 99% of the time, I do it. Sometimes I wish there was just one more person she trusted as much as me. But who can even come close to the love of a mom? I don't treat this as a "suck it up and just do it" kind of thing. When she hurts, I hurt and I apologize for it. I know it has to be done, but she didn't pick this for herself.

So I had my "moment" last night. I reached out to other D-Moms and they showered me with support. Today my heart still hurts, but I shall go on and be there every step of the way for my precious little girl. And I think we'll go back to the bottom for the next site change.

My babies

This year was tough on us and our animals. We lost our dog of 16 years. Then a couple months later lost our hampster. The hampster, Jose, was actually Joshuas, but we all loved him. I think the trama of losing the dog was just too much for me. When I found Jose in his cage after he had passed I just lost it. I tried so hard to be all calm and cool when I told Joshua, but I ended up sobbing like a baby and could barely get the words out. He, on the other hand, took the news like a champ. I knew he was upset but he looked at me and said "it was just a hampser, mom."

Shortly after that the kids started asking for another hampster. (They really want another dog, but that's not going to happen for a number of reasons). I was all for it but just never got around to it.

This past weekend I had an epic fail as a mom and missed a Girl Scout outing that Autumn was supposed to attend. We were on the other side of town and there was no way we could get there in time. She, of course, was devastated. And I felt like the worst mom in the world.

So...we hit the pet store. Today was the day we were going to get a hampster. I had already purchased bedding and food. We already had the cage and all the accessories. All we needed was the animal itself.

For some reason when we got there I thought it would be a good idea to get 2 so they would have company for each other. Not sure WHY I thought that was a good idea, but the kids didn't argue with me.

Jose was a Robo Dwarf Hampster. He just a little guy and oh so cute. We couldn't decide if we should get another one (or two) like that or try a different kind this time. I steared them towards a different kind. There was just no replacing Jose, so why even try?

We decided on Russian Dwarf Hampsters. They're little also, but bigger than he was. There were 2 in the cage so it was an easy choice as to which two we would get. And we decided the black one was a boy and the tan one was a girl. (We don't know this for a fact, and heaven help me if we end up with 100 hampster babies. But it sounded like a good plan).

On the way home Zachary named the boy George and Autumn named the girl Bubbles. (Joshua was hunting so I told him he could name the next animal, which will NOT be a dog).

Bubbles

George

I never had hampsters or any animal like that growing up. And I hesitated when Joshua asked for one. But I have to admit, they really are cute and a lot of fun. Jose was my little buddy and we had our bonding moment every morning when he tried to bite me and I fed him part of my breakfast. I missed that little guy when he was gone.

So now I have 2 new babies. It's driving the kids crazy that I'm calling them babies. But I'm the mom and can call them whatever I want. Right?

Shopping with Teenagers

I have a fashion-diva son. He only wants name brand clothes and wants to shop in the stinky, dark, loud stores. I have avoided these stores up until recently. We took a trip to the mall and he discovered a great deal on jeans. Only problem was, he is not a childs size anymore and the men's sizes confused him. I had no choice...I had to go in!

Store #1: The music playing was so loud that I couldn't even hear what he was trying to say to me. And I couldn't just follow him to the jeans because it was so freakin' dark I was afraid I would walk into something and could barely see him in front of me. WHY would you make a clothing store so dark??? We got to the jeans and I was a bit confused myself. I found a person who worked there and asked for her assistance. Please note that not only was I confused, but it was so dark that I couldn't actually SEE the tags. She came over and made a comment on how SHE couldn't see the tags either! Really? Maybe they should equip her with a flashlight!

We finally located what we thought was his size and he took off for the changing room. I told him I wanted to see them to make sure they fit correctly. Of course he took off and it was so dark I didn't see where he went and the changing rooms are hidden throughout the store! I was pretty sure at this point that this would be my LAST visit to this store. I finally found him. Jeans fit. We made our purchase and we were out of there.

Now my eyes are burning and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need an inhaler soon. Do they pump stinky scent into the vents in those places? You can seriously smell these stores from 3 stores away.

I thought we were done. He knew what size he was, now he could either go by himself or order online.

No such luck. He wanted to visit the "other" stinky, dark and loud store. Repeat of above, minus the sales lady because we now knew what size to get.

I was never so happy to get outside to fresh air in my life. I was miserable, my other 2 kids were miserable, and Zachary was the happiest kid in the world. So maybe (just maybe) it was worth it...but I'm thinking not.

High School

Looking back, High School really was a great time in my life. At the time I didn't think so, but now that I have a High Schooler it's all coming back.

I volunteered to help the Art teacher at Joshua's school this year. I've been very active in the elementary school all along. Didn't do a whole lot in middle school. Saw the opportunity to be at the high school and took it.

Joshua, surprisingly, took it very well. My "job" is to help the art teacher by putting up artwork in display cabinets throughout the school. Seriously? Could you think of a better job for me?

My first day was last week. I have to admit, I was a little nervous. The school is BIG and I have only been in one area of it. The teacher took me to my destination and I told her I may have to call her to figure out how to get back to her classroom. She laughed and explained that I was in a big circle. No matter which way I went I would eventually end up back at the office. Good to know, as I did get turned around a time or two.

When I was done it was lunch time for part of the school. (I'm sure Joshua is thankful that it wasn't HIS lunch time). I had to walk through the eating area to get back to the art room. (Not sure exactly what they call it, it's not really a lunch room). It was VERY intimidating walking through all those students. I didn't want to make eye contact with them for fear I saw one of his friends. Wouldn't that be embarrasing to have your mom talk to one of your friends while they were eating lunch? I get it. So I tried to be cool as I walked through. As luck would have it, one of his friends was walking directly towards me. Poor kid looked shocked when he realized he knew me. But he's a good kid and said hi to me. I said hi back and continued on my way. Of course I had to tell Joshua right away! His friends like me! (Either that or they just have really good manners).

On my way out I had to go through the lunch area AGAIN. Decided to take what I thought was a short cut and ended up in the school store. Lots of strange looks in there. Believe me, it was an accident. I high-tailed it out of there quickly.

44 years old and I'm intimidated by a bunch of high schoolers! But I was a little jealous of them also. At this age all they have to worry about is getting good grades and getting into college. Oh to be young again.

And the artwork I hung! Another jealous moment. How I would love to be in art class again. There is some real talent there amongst those kids. Or maybe I'd like to be the art teacher. All I know is I really wanted to learn what these kids were learning. Maybe if the teacher likes me enough she will give me private lessons. My goal: to do an outstanding job on those display cabinets!

I'm happy for Joshua that he is having such a positive experience in high school. I know he will look back on these years and realize how great they were. Maybe one day he will be walking through his childs school and will feel like I feel today.

Am I really proud about that?

It amazes me how much I have changed since being a mom. So many changes that I couldn't even list them all.

The change that made me think about this blog post has to do with hunting. I grew up a city girl. My dad didn't hunt or fish, either did my brothers. My Grandpa did, but way before my time. So I knew some stories but that was all.

Now I have 2 boys who love the outdoors and look forward to this time of the year. A couple weekends ago was Youth Hunt. They went up north to "do their thing". Before they left Zachary informed me that he was going to get me 2 bucks. ME? If someone had said that to me 10 years ago I would have been horrified! It's not that I was ever against hunting, it was just something I didn't understand. It's not something I would want to do with them, but it's something that makes them proud so it makes me proud.

5 of their friends were also hunting that weekend. 2 different families. I'm friends with the moms and we kept in contact with each other all weekend via texts, pictures and Facebook. Sharing the victorys of our kids. I have to say, I was excited for each and every one of them that got a deer. Of the 7 kids (including my 2) 5 of them came home with one. Who knew I would be so excited for them all?

Zachary got a buck the first day out. He decided to take the day off the next day so he didn't end up with 2 like he wanted, but he was still a happy kid.

Joshua is my hunting-snob. He is not going to just shoot anything. This kid is going for the Trophy deer. Unfortunately he did not see it this weekend. But he was excited for his brother and all his friends that got one. There is a long season ahead and I know he will get one.

Then comes the processing. Again...10 years ago I would have been freaking out about the whole thing. (Actually, I WAS freaking out about it back then when my father-in-law would bring his over to process). I do tell the boys that I'm happy to look at the pictures, but I don't want to see their deer again until it's ready to go into the freezer.

This year Joshua and Zachary did most of the processing themselves. (Well...mostly Joshua, but Zachary did help some). I think it is pretty amazing that 13 and 14 year old boys can do something like that. And are so proud. They are proud not only because they got a deer and cleaned the deer, but because they are providing food for their family. I can't think of too many other kids who feel like that. It really makes me a proud mom.

I had to sit back and think this all through and I really can't believe that I turned into the mom who would be supportive and excited for this season. Shows how much I love those guys.

Joshua is hunting locally this year with a friend and goes away as many weekends as he can to hunt. I miss him while he is away. And I worry, of course. But I'm so happy he has these opportunities.

Welcome Hunting Season!

The Diabetic Rollar Coaster

The past 12 hours have been a diabetic rollar coaster for Autumn. She woke up at 1am and didn't feel good. Her ankle hurt and she felt shakey. Normally shakey means low. Last night it was high. 395. Her normal range is between 90 and 160. I don't usually freak out by the high numbers (at least not right away). I got her some water. Got her settled on the couch and told her I'd re-check in 20 minutes. I knew if I went back to sleep I wouldn't get up to re-check so I sat next to her and read a book. Next check, 398. A little higher, but I wasn't sure if I should be concerned yet or not. More water, more reading, 20 minutes later another check. 419.

Crap. Now I could freak out. The corrections (added insulin) and water were not working. I was going to have to change the site for her pump. Poor kid is 1/2 asleep, I can barely focus but I had to get those numbers down. Site change done. More reading. 20 minute check. The number is the same!

Would I EVER get her sugar down? Water. Read. Check. 375. Still not a great number, but it was going down. It is now 3:30am. All she wants to do is be left alone and sleep. All I want to do is set my head on my pillow.

But, of course, being the mom that I am, when my head hit the pillow I worried that she may drop too low now. And would I hear my alarm in my room to wake up in time to get Joshua up? I must have dozed off because I swore I heard my alarm. I looked at the clock and it was only 4:30. I must have dreampt it. Autumn is sleeping soundly by this time. I'm tossing and turning.

6:15 I hear Todd in the kitchen. I never did hear my alarm, but he did. He got the boys up, got them breakfast (I think), made them lunches (I think) and got them off to school (I'm assuming since they were not here when we finally woke up this morning).

Autumn woke up at 8:00. She still wasn't feeling well, I knew she was tired so I convinced her to try and fall back asleep. By 8:30 I gave up and let her watch a movie on my kindle. 9:00 she tells me she is feeling shakey. Shit! Again? 114 this time!

I can't imagine what her poor little body must feel like going from such a high number to an almost low number.

So we decided to play hookey today and just chill. Number before lunch...51! Seriously? I try not to complain, but sometimes I want to kick diabetes in the ass!

Never did figure out why her ankle hurt last night. It's fine now. One of the strange diabetic mysteries we will never be able to solve.

Did I mention that I've never liked rollar coasters?

Filling a Bucket

Autumn had her first Brownie meeting of the school year this past Tuesday. During the meeting the girls talked about how they can fill someones bucket and how they empty someones bucket. They shared that being mean to people or saying hurtful things will empty it. And being nice and saying pleaseant things will fill it. For 8 years olds they really "got" the concept and were excited to share their thoughts.

The next day I decided that I was going to fill some buckets. It's really not a hard thing to do and doesn't take a lot of time. But I think we all get so busy and consumed with our own lives that we seldom take the time to do this unless we know someone is hurting or sad.

So I sent out a couple emails. The first one was to Zachary's Spanish teacher. This subject was tremendously hard for Joshua last year and he, unfortunately, ended up with a bad teacher. I don't call teachers bad easily. But I really feel this one failed not only my son, but the entire class. It got to the point where I told him to just get a passing grade so he didn't have to take it again. It was a hard year for him and I stressed about High School and Spanish 2.

Anyway, back to Zachary. He got a FABULOUS teacher this year for Spanish 1 and has been telling me about her almost daily. He is really enjoying the class, the language and her. So I let her know. I think middle school teachers are surprised when they hear praise. Parents are not as involved at this age level and usually only talk with teachers about the negative. She was so happy to get my email and so appreciative that I took the time to let her know what a great job she was doing.

The next email went out to Joshua's art teacher. I had volunteered to help her this year so in response to that I also let her know how much he is enjoying her class and how much he likes her. She was also appreciative of the compliments.

So far the school year is going great. All 3 kids are so happy with their teachers and classes. It's so nice to hear them talking positively about school and learning.

I challenge you to fill someone's bucket today...just because.