Me? I decided to stay low-key and just read what everyone else has to say. Unless you're a D-Mom, I don't think it's possible to make people aware of what it's really like. I try not to make a big deal about it, even though it is a HUGE deal. It's our life and we make the most of it.
But I couldn't help thinking this morning that although my daughter is the one with diabetes, I am the one who keeps her alive. That's got to be the biggest responsibility a person could have. If I think about it too much I get overwhelmed with emotion.
Last night we had one of our bad nights. Thankfully we don't have them that often. But when they happen it really sucks.
It was site change night. I have to change the site for her pump every 3 days. Recently I talked her into doing the sites in her leg instead of her bottom. The first one was a HUGE success. No tears, she barely felt it. I was so excited. Next one hurt a little bit. Last night caused screams and a lot of crying.
This was the first site change in the leg
I cannot even discribe what it's like to hurt your own child. I normally try to hold it together, but last night I found myself holding her tight and crying along with her. At bed time I crawled into bed with her and told her how strong she is and how proud of her I am. I didn't want to let her go. I eventually went to my own bed and cried some more. I just couldn't stop. I wish so much that there was a cure for this disease or at least a treatment that doesn't involve needles and hurting my child.
I am her rock. She will let others do the site changes, but prefers me. So 99% of the time, I do it. Sometimes I wish there was just one more person she trusted as much as me. But who can even come close to the love of a mom? I don't treat this as a "suck it up and just do it" kind of thing. When she hurts, I hurt and I apologize for it. I know it has to be done, but she didn't pick this for herself.
So I had my "moment" last night. I reached out to other D-Moms and they showered me with support. Today my heart still hurts, but I shall go on and be there every step of the way for my precious little girl. And I think we'll go back to the bottom for the next site change.
