The son of a very good friend passed away unexpectedly last week. He was 31 years old. I've known my friend for 12 years. In that time I had the pleasure of meeting her son a couple times. But I mostly knew him through her, her family, friends and facebook. He was a very likeable man. Always had a smile on his face. Was considerate and kind. Smart, funny and athletic. And was a wonderful dad to his 3 1/2 year old son.
Today was his funeral. I hadn't spoken to her since it happened, but she was in my thoughts, prayers and dreams for the past week. During this week I felt helpless. I wanted so desperately to reach out to her, to help her, to just be there for her. But in honor of her request I held back and hoped that she knew I was there for her should she need me.
Another friend arranged to do video clips at the funeral for his son so when he get's older he will know what a wonderful person his dad was. She asked for volunteers to help with the taping. I immediately volunteered.
For 3 hours this morning I video taped his friends and family sharing their love and stories of this amazing young man. It wasn't an easy job. I had to keep my emotions in check and treat it more as a "job" than a favor. Obviously these loved ones were devestated so I felt I needed to be strong and help them feel comfortable.
It turned out to be an amazing experience for me. I learned so much about him, his family and his son. I was thorougly impressed with what people had to say. And I felt like I was finally doing something that would make my friend happy. I was helping.
What I learned was he loved Michigan State. Over 1/2 of the people who made a video commented about this and stated that his son better pick a "good" school to go to! I also learned that he was quite the athlete. I knew he probably skiied and snowmobiled, having know his mom so well for so many years. But I also learned that he was quite the tennis player as well. Another thing people commented on was his love for music. Frank Senatra in particular. Very cool fact to learn about someone so young. I'm thinking his parents and grandparents were the influence of that love. A couple people told his son that he had to drive a GM car when he is old enough to drive, since his dad (my friends husband) had just retired from GM and that is all the family will drive. And everyone commented on how smart, kind, funny and full of life he was.
The funeral was packed, as expected. He comes from a large, close-knit family and had a ton of friends, as do his parents and other family members. They pulled together and made each and every person in attendance feel like they were part of their family. The Service was led by his Uncle who did an amazing job. His sister than spoke. I'm not sure how she got through it, but she did and she had the group laughing and crying at the same time. His brother-in-law spoke next and had the same effect on the group as his sister had. Next was his dad. What an amazing man to be able to get up and speak at his own sons funeral. He said he was speaking for himself and his wife (my friend) as she wasn't sure she would be able to speak herself. She, of course, jumped up and said a couple words. As I knew she would because she is just as amazing as he is. I've oftened commented that they are the perfect couple.
Each person handles grief differently. There is no right and wrong way. My friend handled hers today with laughter and the wish that we all did something special and fun in honor of her sons memory. She told me twice to hug my babies and do something special with them. Next Wednesday we are going to Michigan Adventure and not only will we be celebrating my birthday, we will be celebrating her son. That will be my gift to her.
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