Flashback Fridays

The radio station I listen to in the morning always does a Flashback Friday on Friday mornings. They play a group of songs from the 80's/early 90's than have a contest to guess flashback songs. I thought that would be a great idea for my blog. So my goal is to post each Friday a flashback.

I dropped Autumn off at my parents house yesterday before work and decided to check her sugar before I left. It was 535. Very high. Scary high. I called my boss and said I would be a little late. I wanted to wait 30 minutes, re-check her and make sure it was coming down. After the 1/2 hour it was coming down so I left.

On the way to work I was thinking about when she was first diagnosed and the 3 1/2 days we spent at Children's hospital. Thinking about those days still brings tears to my eyes.

What I was mostly thinking about was the shots. If you had told me weeks before that that I would be giving her 4+ shots a day, I would have said you were crazy. I was the person who had to put my head between my legs when I got a shot myself, and had to look away, or better yet, be out of the room when my kids got a shot. I couldn't even watch someone getting one on TV.

Within hours of getting to the hospital I could see a difference in Autumn. She was quickly returning to her happy self. It's amazing what insulin does for us. The reason we had to be in the hospital so long was we needed to be trained on how to take care of her. She could have easily gone home the next day had we known what we were doing.

Training to give a shot is very quick. A nurse came in, showed us how to do it, we practiced on an orange and the next time she needed a shot we had to do it. There is no messing around with this. You don't get a week to practice and get up the nerve to actually do it. You're thrown in and it gets done NOW.

The first shot after training was her lunch shot. I was shaking from head to foot. I felt like I could throw up. I was dizzy. I hadn't slept in 48 hours. I hadn't eaten in I don't know how long. I looked at Todd and said "You have to do this one. I will get it together and do the next one, I promise". He did the shot. He cried, Autumn cried, I fell apart. I had to leave the room I was such a mess. But I got it together. I went back into the room, hung out with my amazing little girl and braced myself for the big moment.

Dinner time came and it was my turn. I looked at Autumn and told her I knew she was scared. I told her I was scared too. But I was going to do this. I was going to be brave. I was going to take care of her. We would get through it together. I got the shot ready, gave it to her. She looked at me and said "That hardly hurt at all!" I couldn't believe it. This amazing little girl was extra brave and such a trooper. With tears and laughs I hugged her tight and told her I would always be there for her. We were a team. We could do this.

And we have and will continue to. She is now on a pump so we only have to do the site insertion once every 3 days. Much better than 4+ shots a day. I'm so proud of her and I'm pretty proud of myself also. I had an inner strength in me that I had no idea was there. I've even offered to give shots to friends who have needed them for various reasons. I still don't like watching a shot being given by someone other than myself, but I've come a LONG way with them in the past 3 years.